


Alistair and I

by TrustDivineChaos



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Awakening, DLC, First Person Perspective, M/M, Origins, Return to Ostagar, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrustDivineChaos/pseuds/TrustDivineChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A secret romance between Alistair and the Warden unfolds as they are forced to deal with different challenges and changes.<br/>NOTE: each chapter is complete and moreorless can stand on its own. More chapters may come in the future, which would explain the "work in progress" status.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Male Warden is named Sebastian. He is a rogue and usually responded with the "good" or "funny" options. Story begins near the end of the game and after the "Return to Ostagar" DLC - and thus contains some spoilers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a particularly difficult day, Alistair and the Warden find comfort within each others arms and for the first time take their relationship past the point of simple friendship.

I held him tight, knowing how much he was hurting inside. We’d both had a great deal of hardship over the last several months. Me, losing my family, my home, everything I’d ever known. Him, losing Duncan, his half-brother, the King, Cailan, and now finding Cailan strung up like that, it was no wonder he felt so much pain inside.

His chest pressed against mine, I could feel his heart beating rapidly. Mine was beating quite fast as well. Slowly he pulled away – though only slightly. Still in a partial embrace, Alistair looked me in the eyes. What I saw there was a mix of emotions: pain, panic, and passion. Before I knew what was happening, he placed a hand on my neck and pulled my lips toward his own.

They met roughly. I closed my eyes and continued to kiss him. Quickly things started to escalate. His lips parted and we were able to kiss deeper, longer. As things started to get more intense, I knew it’d be best to go to one of our tents where we could be more intimate.

Gently pulling apart from him, my gaze meeting his again, I took hold of his hand and guided him toward my tent.

Once inside, I pulled him to me. I could sense his nervousness and admittedly, I was nervous too. Continuing to kiss, we began the somewhat clumsy process of taking off our equipment and clothes. Kicking off my boots, I helped him unbuckle the straps holding his sword in place.

Once we were both down to our underclothes, I allowed my hands to explore his body. Slightly hesitantly, he did the same. All the while our lips remained connected.

In one swift, yet smooth motion, I pulled his tunic up over his head. He trembled slightly, but his grip remained firm on my body. Separating my lips from his, I moved them to his neck, kissing it tenderly. Slowly, I continued to kiss across his collar and shoulders, then down the center of his chest – from Adams apple to navel. His hands, trying to maintain their contact with me, moved from my upper back, to my neck, until finally resting upon my head as I settled down on to my knees.

Unlacing his breeches, I let my tongue trail along his hips and the tip of his groin. Reaching up, I pulled his hardening dick out from behind the cloth and took it in my mouth.

He gasped and his grip tightened on my head. Though I did most of the movement, his hips thrust subtly and his hands seemed to guide my mouth deeper onto him.

As his breath grew increasingly rough, I pulled myself back up, gripping his hips as I stood.

Face to face again, our lips met and tongues twirled about one another. Pulling my shirt off, my eyes caught the look of fear on his face. There was excitement there too, but I could tell that he was still very nervous. Regardless, he made the next move, more or less repeating what I’d done to him moments earlier.

I closed my eyes as his lips pressed against my body. I’d dreamt of this moment for so long, and intended on savouring every second. My breath caught in my throat as he took me in his mouth. So warm, so wet, the feeling was like no other.

Feeling myself getting closer and closer to climax, I gently pulled his head up and grabbing his torso tightly, brought him back up to his feet. Holding him close to me, we communicated without a word. Wanting to make sure that he wished to continue, I held him and stroked my hand across his body, up to his face, till I held it lightly and ran my thumb across his cheek. Asking the question through expression alone, he answered with a sweet smile and a kiss on my thumb.

Sure now that we were both ready, I laid him down on his back, slowly bringing myself down onto him. Our hands fluttered over each other, and we exchanged sweet butterfly kisses. The fervour from before had turned into a gentle tenderness and calm. Eventually, our hands found each others cocks and we stroked each other till we were both near to bursting.

Ready to take the next step, releasing him, I pulled his legs up and rested them upon my shoulders. Leaning into him, for one more, deeper kiss, I slowly guided my dick to his hole. Gently, I pushed inside him. Felling him tense around me, grip tightened, and a grimace upon his face, I proceeded slowly.

Arching his back as I pushed all the way in, he let out a low grunt. I held myself there for a few moments, gripped him close and pressed my lips to his once more.

Relaxing more now, he began to grind slightly against me. Matching his rhythm and pace, I gently thrust into him. As the minutes passed the intensity rose. Pace and force picking up, I pulled my torso up off of his, moving my hands to his legs. Moving one of them down to his chest, lacing our fingers together, our eyes locked. Flushed and panting, Alistair stuttered, “I…I love you”.

A smile forming proudly on my face, I leaned back into him. Bringing my mouth near his ear, I breathed, “and I, you”. Kisses trailing from ear, to cheek, to lips, I gingerly pulled myself out of him.

Turning him over, he arched his back again, bringing himself up to meet my groin. Pushing back in, I wrapped a hand around his chest, and leaned forward to hold his hand with the other. Soft moans and grunts passed between us.

Eventually, he reached back and pressed a hand to my thigh. Understanding the message, I pulled out again, at which point he turned back around and pushed me down onto my back. Smiling, I watched as he climbed atop me, legs straddling mine.

Carefully, he lowered himself onto me and began to grind back and forth, up and down. Gripping my thigh with one hand and my chest with the other, his speed increased. Taking his still hard dick in my hands, I stroked him in time with his own movements. His eyes closed and mouth slightly parted, I knew he was getting close. Sensing this, I took control again.

Pulling him down against me, I thrust up into him, harder, faster. His breathing quickened and grew ragged. His hands searched for something to hold on to – eventually settling upon my neck. Kissing him firmly and holding him tight, I manoeuvred our bodies so I was yet again on top of him, allowing me to go deeper.

My name passed from his lips like a gasp.

I sat back up, continuing to thrust, as he rubbed himself until, seconds later, his load shot hot across his abs. His face, a look of ecstasy and agony, contorted as his body jerked and trembled with each successive burst. Gradually, he relaxed and my pace slowed.

Pulling out of him, which caused one final pulse to jolt through his body, I leaned over him and took hold of my dick. Kissing him, tenderly, I could feel the inevitable moment building quickly within me. Muscles tightening, my breath coming in short staccato bursts, I shot my load, which joined his across his torso.

As one last shudder passed through me, I collapsed down beside him. Our faces resting inches apart, my arm draped across his chest, our lips met once more. Lost in a daze of complete contentment and satisfaction, our eyes closed.

Relaxed and exhausted, we welcomed the sleep that would undoubtedly claim us soon. Breathing slowed. Heartbeats slowed. And though passion may have ebbed away, the tenderness remained. Entwined in each others arms, hands clasped together, we slowly drifted off. And together, we slept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After making him King, Alistair is not particularly happy with the Warden. They have much to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game choices: Loghain was killed, Anora was imprisoned, and Alistair is made King.  
> No explicit content in this chapter.

We did it! Loghainn was defeated and now Alistair was King!

Pacing about my room, I took off my blades and laid them across the bed. It was then that my door burst open. Alistair came storming in, grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me up against the nearest wall. Completely caught off guard, I was unable to resist him when he pressed his forearm against my collar – preventing me from moving from that spot. Looking at him, it was not passion that I saw in his eyes this time, but anger and frustration. 

“King?! You made me King!?” He emphasized every few words with a sharp finger jab to my chest. “I am a Grey Warden, not some King! I thought you knew that! I thought you knew that I didn’t want this!”

I could see it now, the flame in his eyes was fear. And who could blame him? Being King is a huge responsibility and would forever change his life. He’d never asked for this. 

“Alistair, listen to me” I pleaded, softly.

“I thought I could trust you to have my back!” He continued to yell and jab. “You have completely and utterly ruined everything!”

Patience growing thin, it was time I took control of the situation. In one swift movement, I grabbed the wrist of the hand he’d been poking me with and pulled it around behind his back, simultaneously reaching around to firmly grab the back of his head with my other hand. All this allowed me to pull him tight to me, with only his arm between us. 

Pressing his forehead to mine and locking eyes, I breathed my earlier plea again – though this time with more strength. 

“I know that you did not ask for this, but it was what had to be done.” He squirmed against me and tried to argue but I promptly interrupted him. “True, your life will never be the way it was, but that does not mean that I have ruined it. You will be a great King, Alistair, and I will remain right by your side till the day the Maker takes me. That is, provided you want me there.” Pausing, I relaxed my hold on him, releasing the arm I’d held behind his back and moving my other hand down to gently rest at his neck. “You do want me there, don’t you?”

With only a moment’s hesitation he nodded and softly breathed the words, “Yes. Yes, I do.” 

Finally relaxing himself, Alistair took his arm from off my chest and let it hang down by our sides. “And what if the Maker should take me first?” he asked with a hint of his sly smile forming on his face.

“Then I shall surely follow you shortly thereafter” I replied with a tender smile of my own. 

For a moment we just stood there, allowing our tempers to simmer down and our minds to settle.

“I have no idea how to be King, you know. Just because I’m Maric’s son doesn’t mean I’ll be any good at this” he said to me calmly.

“Though it is your blood that made you King, it is this that will make you a great one” I said as I placed my hand against his chest. “You have a good heart. It’s who you are – the type of person you are – that will help you to be a kind and just ruler. You will do great things, Alistair, of that, I am certain.” As I finished my words, Alistair pulled me in to a deep embrace. I like to think that he found comfort in my arms, as I did in his.

Pulling away again so that he could look at me as he spoke, Alistair voiced something I too had been thinking about. “We will have much to discuss, you and I, now that I am King. Including more…delicate matters.” As he spoke the last words he allowed his thumb to gently graze my lips. 

When I voted for him to take the throne, in the back of my mind I knew that that would jeopardize our relationship – specifically the more intimate side that had come to the surface only recently. As King, he would be expected to marry and sire an heir. There’d be no place for the type of love we share. Yet, that was not reason enough to stop him from being King. Though I will not deny the love I have for him, the things I said about him being a great King would be true whether we were lovers or not. Still, I didn’t like to think about seeing him get married in the future, or never being able to be with him again. For the moment, those thoughts, those worries could wait. 

Seemingly thinking the same as I was, Alistair added, “But such conversations will be had later. In the meantime, duty calls. I have much to do thanks to you. People to see, things to sign, decisions to make. Wouldn’t want to disappoint people on my first day, would I?”

Back to his witty, sarcastic self, Alistair left my side and started to walk towards the door. Seeing that I was not following, he turned and gave me a very telling look. “You are coming, aren’t you? Said you’d always be by my side, so that means enduring the boring stuff as well as the exciting. Like I said, this is your doing and I intend to make you suffer just as much as I do.” 

With a wink and a smile, he continued on his way, knowing that I would shortly be right behind him. And indeed, once I’d gathered my sword and dagger, I went after him and took my place at his side, where I belong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After successfully protecting Vigil's Keep and killing the Architect and the Mother, the Warden returns to Denerim, where Alistair awaits him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Occurs after the events of Awakening.

I was exhausted. I’d only just returned to Denerim after yet more fighting with the darkspawn. Aside from Oghren, I didn’t have my usual companions with me. With the Blight over, most of them had returned to their own homes or gone off on their own adventures. Alistair, now that he was King, couldn’t go off killing darkspawn with me like he used to. Thus, I was more or less on my own. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. I did run into Oghren during my latest adventure, and I occasionally exchanged letters with Zevran. Being the new commander of the Grey Wardens, I also had a fair bit of dealings with Alistair, and a room in his palace, to call my own. 

It was that room that I found myself in now. Slowly, I removed my armour and equipment with some difficulty. Though we’d been victorious during our latest battle, I had not come out of it unscathed. Sure, I’d heal – eventually – but for the moment, I was struggling with a decent amount of pain. But I’d had worse, and thus, as always, I’d manage and cope with the pain. 

Taking off the last bit of my armour, I heard my door open behind me. Turning, I saw Alistair peak his head in, hesitantly cross the threshold and close the door behind him. Averting my eyes, I ignored him.

We’d had a brief encounter during my last quest and I was rather bitter about the way he’d treated me. He hadn’t been cruel to me, no, and I knew that he couldn’t greet me affectionately or in such a way that would reveal our love publicly. Still, I’d hoped for a bit of warmth or even one of his sweet, witty lines that always made me smile. Instead, he’d been completely formal – treated me like he would any other Warden. Admittedly, I could sense some of his true feelings hidden in his gaze. It seemed as if he’d wanted to say more, do more, but was holding himself back. Though I tried to be understanding, I couldn’t help but want more from him – more of him. 

I’d known that our relationship would be difficult once he became the King, but I didn’t think that it would be this painful. It wasn’t so much what happened behind the scenes that bothered me. No, when we could steal away for the night and spend it in each others arms, that was perfect. It was the way he’d been acting in public that was the problem. He’d grown so paranoid of someone discovering our secret that he was putting all his effort into hiding it from others. To them, it may even be hard to believe that we we’re friends anymore, let alone lovers. In the company of others our relationship was 100% professional now, and as far as I was concerned, it needn’t be that way. 

Stretching, I tried to peel off my small clothes but found the task surprisingly difficult. My body ached and I had quite the stabbing pain in my side. It made the movement very challenging.

Suddenly, I felt an extra set of hands brush my sides and take hold of my shirt. Relaxing, I let Alistair pull it off over my head. Apparently he’d noticed that I was in pain, because he removed my clothes slowly and gently.

With my shirt removed and him still standing behind me, he placed his hands on my sides. I winced slightly and he slid them around to rest on my abs. All the while he pulled me tighter against him. Beginning to rub my stomach and chest lightly, he leaned in and kissed my neck. Closing my eyes, my earlier bitterness beginning to ebb away, I relaxed back into him. 

Gradually, I began to turn so I could face him. Practically cooing, we nuzzled our heads together and let our hands run over each others bodies.

Eventually, he guided me to the bed and gently lowered me onto it. Exchanging deeper, more passionate kisses, our temperatures continued to rise. Yet, deep down I knew that I was too exhausted and sore to make love to him the way I wanted to. Pulling his face away from mine, I met his eyes and tried to silently communicate that, unfortunately, I just wasn’t up to it tonight. A sweet smile formed on his face and he nodded, seeming to understand my pain and exhaustion. Still, he continued to caress me and press his lips to my lips, my neck, my ears, and even once, lovingly, to my forehead. This softness and care was a nice alternative to our usual passionate and steamy encounters. 

With ease, he trailed his hand down my torso and pushed it under my last remaining article of clothing to take hold of what was stirring beneath. As he began to stroke it, I clawed my hands against him, trying to tug off what little clothing he’d had on when he’d first arrived. 

Gathering my purpose, he released me – though only for a moment – so that he could rip off his clothes until he sat there, naked as a new borne babe. Seeing no need to leave my own underwear on, he quickly removed those as well – tossing them to the side of the room with his own. 

Returning to me, he lay on his side and pressed up against me. 

While continuing to kiss me, his hand went back to my groin and he took hold of my cock once more. Stroking, slowly at first, I closed my eyes and allowed the sensations to take over my body. With him, all else was forgotten. Even the pain in my side was dulled. 

As my breathing quickened, his pace picked up. Flushing, I grabbed hold of whatever part of him I could find first, and he jerked me to completion. 

My initial convulsions turned to smaller twitches until finally my body settled to rest. 

Planting one more kiss firmly on my lips, Alistair sat up and turned to face me with a smile. Casually, he trailed his fingers over my torso, spreading around the puddles of cum that had formed upon it. His hands brushed over my bruises and wounds, causing us both to wince.

“I’m sorry” he breathed, sadness starting to take over his expression, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to protect you from this.”

“I don’t need you to protect me” I replied gently, “I just need you to support me, be here for me, to love me, but most importantly, to be my friend.” I added, taking hold of his hand. “Being with you, like this, is something I greatly cherish. But it hurts when you pretend I mean so little to you when we are out in the open.” 

Creases forming on his forehead, Alistair grew frustrated. “You know how much you mean to me, but you also know that I can’t show you my love in front of others. We’ve discussed this.”

“Yes, I know, but we can still be seen as friends. It needn’t be a secret that we care for each other in that way.”

Alistair sighed and squeezed my hand, entwining our fingers together. “What is it you want me to do?”

“I just want us to be friends in public. Be yourself. Speak to me as you normally would, just leave out the physical stuff. That’s all I want.” I caressed his arm and pulled him down so I could taste his lips once more. Lying face to face, sharing yet another intimate moment, I couldn’t be mad at him any longer. 

“I’ll do my best, Sebastian. I never meant to hurt you.” 

I took hold of his head and pulled him a little closer. “I know, Alistair, I know.”

“I just couldn’t bear it if someone found out about us and we could never be together again. It terrifies me to think what they’d do to us, what they’d say.”

“It’ll be okay. We’re going to be okay.” I whispered, pulling him into a tight embrace.

As we lay there, content in each others arms, Alistair said the words that made everything all right, the words that made all the pain and secrecy bearable. “I love you.”

Kissing his head, as he rested it on my chest I whispered the same.

We wouldn’t be able to spend the whole night together, in case someone came looking for one of us in the event of an emergency. Yet, for the moment, we would take advantage of this time we had. 

Though our love was not the most convenient, it was true and beautiful, and thus, worth fighting for.


End file.
